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Childhood and school years were not so cloudless for all of us. Someone had to face hooligans who intimidated took breakfast, pocket money.
This is the first time children encounter violence, they don't know how to resist bullies. What to do: try to fight a superior opponent or complain to teachers and parents, ruining your reputation?
Practice shows that adults do not understand well how to behave in such a situation. Here are the most common mistakes to consider.
All hooligans act alone. For some reason, some adults believe that bullies can't have friends. But it’s easier for a group of comrades to feel stronger. If one-on-one the chances of getting rebuffed are great, then when several peers press on a child at once, he can easily break down. In fact, there are several types of hooligans, you should not consider them all the same. Some children became so because they themselves were bullied at one time, while others see this as a way to climb the social ladder. But even those teenagers who intimidate others are simply proving their strength and capabilities to themselves. Often bullying is motivated by gaining power in society. In other words, the bully is a kind of careerist who raises his status among his peers. Bullying is an effective tool as it allows you to control others and set your own rules in the school.
Bullies increase their self-esteem. Research has shown that not all bullies attack because of bad self-esteem. Some of the more aggressive children are quite confident and socially successful. They just realized that by using intimidation they could gain more attention, expand their social circle and strengthen their power at school. Children suffer quite a lot from gossip, self-rumors and boycotts. This is why it is so difficult to stop bullies, especially in elementary and high school.
Bullying will make the child stronger and help build character. From constant bullying, the character will clearly not strengthen. On the contrary, it can lead to its weakening and vulnerability. Children who are bullied by their peers are known to suffer emotionally and socially. They feel lonely and isolated. They have to deal with low self-esteem and depression. Bullying can lead to physical injury and even illness. And in the most advanced cases, children may even think about suicide, not seeing a way out of this situation.
Children scoff at those who are themselves predisposed to this. It is true that certain characteristics of a child, such as shyness and unsociability, can increase the chances of peer harassment. But children are often bullied not because of the personality of the object, but because the bully simply chose such a target. When trying to explain bullying, the first thing they look at is the identity of the victim. It is as if the victim is accused of being to blame for this attitude towards herself. In fact, the blame and responsibility for the intimidation should lie with the bully, not the target. And identifying children as potential victims of bullying helps attackers avoid responsibility. Society seems to justify the hooligans, saying that if the victim was different, then intimidation would not have happened.
At this age, hooliganism is not worth paying attention to. Adults often ignore the problem, believing that “let the children figure it out among themselves” and “we all went through this”. In fact, an atmosphere of intimidation cannot be a normal part of growing up. And this is a very big problem that threatens with serious consequences. Bullying affects a teen's academic performance, mental health and physical condition, and can lead to suicide. Scars from emotional distress at a vulnerable age can last a lifetime. There are studies that have shown that bullying in childhood leads to low self-esteem in adults and frequent depression.
Children who are bullied must learn to deal with the problem on their own. Adults shrug off the problem, believing that the victims' independent solution will help them to get stronger. The idea is that this is life and you have to see all sides of it. But children cannot cope with such a stressful situation on their own. If they could do this, then no one would have thought of such a problem. Once an adult realizes that their child is being bullied, they should start looking for a solution to the problem. If outside help does not come, the bullying will continue.
If children are intimidated, they will certainly inform their parents about it. Research shows that children tend to be silent about bullying. There are a number of reasons why they do this. Usually children are afraid that adults will not understand and will scold them. There is concern that this could worsen the situation. In fact, it is important for parents and teachers to detect signs of bullying. It's a bad idea to just wait for the kids to talk about everything. Even children with excellent parenting relationships may remain silent when it comes to peer bullying.
If the child is being bullied, then you need to talk to the bully's parents right away. The victim's parents consider such a step natural and paramount. However, in most cases, this is not the best idea. Not only will the conversation go on in a raised voice, so the situation can also worsen. It is best to talk to the teacher or school administration first in order to draw up a report on what is happening. Most modern schools have an anti-bullying policy with a series of actions. Before initiating a meeting with other parents, you need to make sure that the problem has already begun to be addressed by the education system.
In my child's school, bullying is not possible. When shocking stories about harassment and bullying of children hit the pages of newspapers, many simply suggest to themselves that this cannot happen in their schools by definition. The bitter truth is that bullying happens everywhere, you shouldn't consider your child to be completely safe. Children in elite schools humiliate each other. You do not need to calm yourself down, but you need to look for signs of this problem in your child, keep open channels of communication with him. Bullying and bullying occurs in all schools, regardless of race, religion or socioeconomic status.
Bullying is easy to spot. Hooligans are smart people. They know where teachers and adults spend most of their time. As a result, much of the violence occurs when teachers are not around to testify. Bullying and intimidation occurs in the playground, on the bus, in the toilet, changing room or in a busy hallway. Hooligans are also talented chameleons. It turns out that often those children who look charismatic and charming from the side of adults show aggression. They are also socially smart. Essentially the same skills are used to manipulate teachers, administrators, parents, and to injure peers. It is for this reason that adults need outside help to identify the facts of bullying and intimidation in a child's environment.